Hey thre...well..reali feelin out of sorts for e past few days.been hidin tis feelin inside me for lyk foreva.well.i guess frm now on,i will hav to depend on tis blog of mine to store my thoughts n feelings for a long time.been tinkin alot.not jus for e past few days.in fact it has been for e past few weeks.i seriously dunno sometimes wat e hell am i tinkin abt.but my thoughts jus keep runnin round n round my head.am reali on e verge of a mental breakdown.dunno wat's wrong wit me.im jus probably a sickenin asshole wo wun stop givin ppl probs.i hate myself.i hate my life.my sickenin life whre i wish i wasnt born at all.but since im born i guess i hav to bear all tis sufferin.by myself.i dun mind.but sometimes its so extreme its drivin me nuts.family's financial prob.always no money tey say.but in e end,wat happend?tey can spend more den hundred over bucks on bettin.no money?is tt reali e case?i beg to differ.but wat can i do?can i stop tem?e ans is a NO.nv can i n nv will i.its reali sick to see my frens blessed wit something new every week while i get stuck wit e same old stuff.not tt i mind though.jus tt whenever i wan to buy something.tey say no money.is tt for real?i always ask myself.6 more yrs to go till im officially 21 n free frm all thse shit.6 more fcukin yrs.i can wait.cuz i noe its gonna b worth it.once i get out of tis dump im living in.well im so bloody sure my life's gonna b better.much better in fact.den sch.studies,studies,studies.humanities?fair enugh,i can excel in tt.but is it as impt as maths?no.my maths results?been failin since sec 2 n i hav nv seen a passing grade ever again.i always try my best as tey always say to me.but in e end,wat do i get?E8,F9.i've seen tem all.not once hav i been able to njoy lookin at my maths grades.nv once.e 'O's tis yr n my maths is not lookin up.not good.if i dun get a C6 minimum.i'll nv get into e course i desire in poly.jus great.always wishin tt maths wasnt invented but always a waste of time bcuz its pointless tinkin abt tis kind of shit.so much pressure.too much in fact.tryin my very best to withold it.cant take it much longer.gonna explode one day.hopefully not in sch.each n every day i wake up n tell myself."samuel,todae is another beginning.pls control ur bad temper.pls do not get urself into trouble."each n every day im glad when i come home n knew tt i managed to control my temper.but e rage inside me keeps buildin up.its so much it can fill up a lot of stuffs.not oly rage i say.rage is jus another one of e things i keep inside me.n does anyone noes?NO.wy?simple.simply bcuz i refuse to tell anyone.i dun wan to b anyone's burden.i've finally realised tt im destined to b a singleton my whole life.jus ystd.aft soccer,watchin each of my frens leavin wit their girlfrens to either home or lunch makes me envy tem.n tis envy has been goin on for a long time.i've had enugh of it.girls n me r jus not it.nvm.being a loner aint tt bad.i guess.15yrs.4 yrs of life facin rejections.breakups.no happy endin.not once.am i sick of it?yes i am.im fcukin sick of it.sick of always being e one waitin for e oth person.nv e oth way round.sick of being able to oly look frm afar at e person i love.tis is makin me nuts.tis is makin me change.im changin.i noe it.i jus dunno wy.i wish i culd stop tis life once n for all.BUT I CANT.help me somebody.i reali need it.thse few days i've been tinkin.i always seem to fall for e wrong person.n tis will b e last bloody time i even lyk a person anymore.am sick of it.all e couples pls stay away frm me.im allergic to u.sometimes when im alone.i feel so lonely.wish thre is jus one person tt can b thre for me.in times of sadness or happiness.tis person will b thre for me no matter wat.but i noe its an impossible dream.im always dreamin anyways.sometimes i feel lyk cryin it out.but e tears cant seem to flow.its all stuck inside of me.everythin is stuck inside of me.i wanna vent my frustrations.my anger.my sadness.but how?its not possible.sis i noe i've been actin weird n kinda cold to u but i feel tt i reali musnt get to close to u.i dunno wy.i jus feel tt ben wun lyk it.n i dun wan to be e next to fall for u.im reali sorry for e way im treatin u.ten millions of sorry.i will try my best to be normal.but if u read wat i wrote up thre.u'll noe its reali very difficult for me.so very difficult.im sorry.i reali dun wanna hurt u in any way.pls undstd.u're probably e oly person in tis world i can truly trust.so pls undstd.i reali do hope u do.each n every day.im jus living for e time when tis life of mine will truly end once n for all.
The Blogging Enthusiast.
The name's .
Simply a huge fan of music,and the usual rantings over here.
An "outdoor" fanatic which means nothing keeps me in.
I just love the plain hanging out or anything under the sun.
Lastly, "Absolutely NO Sulking,Only Smiling". (:
